Buhtt sex?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
