I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
