We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
