I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize