You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
