I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
