you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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