the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
