too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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