well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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