I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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