I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
