do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
