I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
