Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
