I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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