i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
