i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
