some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I just put wine in my tea
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
