i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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