Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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