i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
