so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
