who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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