just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
