Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize