Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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