it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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