This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
