hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
