direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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