He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
