Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
