fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
