How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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