my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Randomize
