woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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