I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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