All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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