Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
