ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
