The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
