don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
