I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
