if only i could text you this smell
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
