I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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