He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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