you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
