We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
