Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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