Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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