You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
