I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
