you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
