Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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