sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
