well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
