Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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