I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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