I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
