I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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