R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
