Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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