so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
