Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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