You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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