I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it hurts more in the daytime
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
