I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
