I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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