this boner is exhausting
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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