I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
