Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
