What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
