so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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