i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
