I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
