i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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