How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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