I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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